My dear friend Sally Edelstein and I created these for the 2017 Women’s march in DC. They are still as relevant today as ever! 

Ben and Me

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.” I just read that quote in Real Simple magazine this morning, attributed to Ethel Barrymore. Well, I’m not sure that I agree with it, but it did make me start thinking. I don’t really think it has anything to do with “growing up”, i.e. being more “adult”, but it certainly leads to self-actualization.

But I digress…I recall so clearly the first time I laughed at myself, 47 years ago. I was five years old and in kindergarten. We wore school uniforms (Catholic school) and, in this particular moment I was feeling all grown up because I was allowed to walk down the school hall all by myself to go to the bathroom. I went into the stall and took off my plaid, pinafore dress. I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach the hook to hang it up. Then as I sat down and looked up at my dress, I threw my head back and roared with laughter. I’m wearing a dress, silly, why in the world would I have to take it off? I still remember that moment of mirth but most of all, my self-acceptance. Oh well, I just am who I am, and sometimes that is just silly, imperfect, human.

With self-actualization, with the full realization of one’s creative, intellectual, or social potential, this is where you work best and where your creativity flourishes. After the physiological, safety, love and belonging and self-esteem issues have been taken care of, within this level will you be most relaxed and do your best work. Work that doesn’t depend on needing to feel good about oneself (self-esteem). The work just comes out from that inner, hidden place where joy resides.

And I try to remember, don’t take yourself or life so seriously, it’s only life after all. Remember that little girl with the dress, lighten up and laugh at yourself.

OK, I’m not biased or anything but I just made the most fantastic spicy, cheesy goodness crab dip for a backyard barbecue this past weekend. It wasn’t real crab but rather “KRAB” — who can afford enough of the real stuff for a party or has the time to pick it out of the shell? I know I sure don’t.

So here’s my recipe. A couple pounds of the fake crab meat and shred it up. Add celery finely chopped, and scallions, both the white and the greens. Lots of black pepper, I mean lots. Now here comes the fun part — mince a hot red chili pepper super tiny (RHCP – one of my favorite bands). Be sure to get all the seeds out or it will scorch you and make you cry, just flicking them out into the sink made me tear up. Add some sour cream and mayonnaise, be liberal–meaning a generous spoonful, Republicans can make this recipe too. But it has to be real mayonnaise, not low-fat and certainly none of that fake Miracle Whip crap. Take a big handful of seasoned croutons and crunch those up into little pieces. Add a super big handful of finely shredded cheese (I like the combo of mozzarella, jack, cheddar and colby), stir it all together and Voila, you are done!

But what the heck does this have to do with art? It’s all about trusting yourself and knowing what looks good (and what tastes good ), what you know works well together and what doesn’t. Experiment, have a little fun. What’s the worst thing that could happen? You have to throw it out and then stop by a grocery store for something ready made? Or scrap the canvas and start over? Nothing is that precious. And if you aren’t willing to experiment, you’re not going to grow and you’re not going to find a new technique and you’re not going to make that heavenly crab dip that was devoured in minutes.

But honestly, I can’t tell you how intimidating a large blank canvas can be. Sometimes just making that first mark takes quite a while. That’s why I’m glad with my activist series, I paste the pages from a 1906 Bible study book to the canvas as its base layer. It’s quite Zen work to glue them all down in nice straight lines. But when I’m done and it’s drying, I’m super excited about starting the piece and that initial fear level and trepidation has dissipated.

Oh, and in the case of the crab dip, I put it on grilled portobello mushrooms, but it could go on crackers or celery or in lettuce cups. Or just eat it by the spoonful out of the bowl.

I do wish it was that simple in my studio. But I find when I let go preconceived notions and just have fun, I create some really unique results. And if it doesn’t work, well, so what. Sometimes knowing what doesn’t work gets you a lot quicker to what will be good results.

OK, I’ll admit it. I’m just flat out disappointed. And no, it’s not because (spoiler alert) someone told me that there is no Easter Bunny. Who then, covered our cul-de-sac in brightly colored plastic eggs, I’m just not sure… No, it’s because I feel like I’ve been ignored. No, it’s a fact, based on results, I was ignored.

Every weekend since our GCA (Gutfreund Cornett Art) show was installed in December, I would rush to check the Mercury News (silicon valley newspaper) to see if the arts and culture writer wrote about Beyond Borders. Not a mention in the last 3.5 months. I don’t get it. There were articles on murals around town, vintage signs and student protest art but nada on a ground-breaking social justice exhibition for this culturally bereft area but where issues of immigration loom large? And it’s not like the writer didn’t know about it – I emailed him nine (yep 9) times. And not to mention how many times I emailed art writers at KQED too…

I know I sound like I’m whinging (whining) and I’m usually sooo positive with lots of !!! But dangit, when you work so hard at something, you (I) want validation. So, what do you do when things don’t turn out how you wanted them to?

Imagine humming this tune “Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again”. And maybe, now, I’m sort of laughing at myself and thought of one of my favorite writers, Mark Manson. Here’s a quote from his blog “9 Steps to Hating Yourself a Little Less”.

STEP 9: TAKE THE MOST IMPORTANT AMBITION OR FAILURE IN YOUR LIFE AND GO ASK A FOUR-YEAR-OLD WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT IT. They’ll likely giggle and ask you to pretend you’re a tree and play horsies with them. And their response will be totally appropriate and correct.

Plus, I know I can make a difference. Just last week I wrote a letter to the Mayor of San Jose and the Councilmembers in support of public art. I received an email from the Director of Public Art that “It is very likely, that without your input and encouragement, this would have gone the other way.” And to think, I almost didn’t write the email, thinking it wouldn’t be read or listened to, just another blah blah blah.

Now I think I’ll find a four-year-old to ask other pressing life questions, and just lighten up and enjoy this fine day!

Yes, I’ll admit it, I’m an absolute pro at procrastination with my writing. I’ve been putting this off for YEARS, and I mean years. I’ll make the resolution to write at least once a week and I look at the blog on my (pathetic) website and see that I’ve written nothing, nada, nichts, rein, neinte, hakuna, rud ar bith, ekkert, xejn, nanaon, ha ho letho, nothing on my blog since May 9, 2017… but I digress in fun with words in other languages.

I had just run into my office and was about to run out the door again to go to see a client and I just stopped and said NO, I’m not going to put this off one more second. So sit yourself down and just put something onto paper.

Why do we put stuff off? Why do I work at a turtles pace – hence here is one of my favorite, silly videos of the guinea pig who plays “turtle turtle”. You gotta watch it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW3XtKBlTz0

I really do enjoy writing, but I want everything to be perfect and whitty and think that if I don’t go over it ten times, well then I’m not doing it right. What is right? How about just a flow of consciousness? And who is to say I am wrong, I can say whatever I want. Well, maybe not “fire” in a crowded movie theater, but why am I so circumspect with myself? Particularly when it comes to art. I’ve been there, done that and got the t-shirt.

Good rule to live by to make yourself more productive is to do the hard thing first. Before you get distracted and start alphabetizing your sock drawer by color (which I do often), is just jump into it. Get that hard, scary, difficult thing done first, and then the rest of your day will seem like a piece of cake.

So here – I actually did it! I still need to work on the deadlines I create for myself. I rarely if ever miss a deadline for others, so I need to keep that high standard for myself too. And here’s some good advice by one of my favorite bloggers, Seth Godin.

“Six things about deadlines” By Seth Godin
1. People don’t like deadlines. They mean a decision, shipping and risk. They force us to decide.
2. Deadlines work. Products that are about to disappear, auctions that are about to end, tickets that are about to sell out–they create forward motion.
3. Deadlines make people do dumb things. Every time I offer a free digital document or an educational event that has a deadline, I can guarantee I will hear from several (or dozens of) people with ornate, well-considered and thoughtful arguments as to why they missed the deadline. Never mind that they had two weeks… the last fifteen minutes are all they are concerned with. If it’s important enough to spend an hour complaining about, it’s certainly important enough to spend four minutes to just do it in the first place.
4. Deadlines give you the opportunity to beat the rush. Handing in work just a little bit early is a sure-fire way to tell a positive story and get the attention you seek. The chart below tracks the day (out of 10) that I received each of the more than a thousand applications for the free nano MBA program. Want to guess which day’s applications got the most attention from me?
5. When we set ourselves a deadline, we’re incredibly lax about sticking to it. So don’t (set it for yourself, in your head, informally). Write it down instead. Hand it to someone else.