OK, I’m not biased or anything but I just made the most fantastic spicy, cheesy goodness crab dip for a backyard barbecue this past weekend. It wasn’t real crab but rather “KRAB” — who can afford enough of the real stuff for a party or has the time to pick it out of the shell? I know I sure don’t.

So here’s my recipe. A couple pounds of the fake crab meat and shred it up. Add celery finely chopped, and scallions, both the white and the greens. Lots of black pepper, I mean lots. Now here comes the fun part — mince a hot red chili pepper super tiny (RHCP – one of my favorite bands). Be sure to get all the seeds out or it will scorch you and make you cry, just flicking them out into the sink made me tear up. Add some sour cream and mayonnaise, be liberal–meaning a generous spoonful, Republicans can make this recipe too. But it has to be real mayonnaise, not low-fat and certainly none of that fake Miracle Whip crap. Take a big handful of seasoned croutons and crunch those up into little pieces. Add a super big handful of finely shredded cheese (I like the combo of mozzarella, jack, cheddar and colby), stir it all together and Voila, you are done!

But what the heck does this have to do with art? It’s all about trusting yourself and knowing what looks good (and what tastes good ), what you know works well together and what doesn’t. Experiment, have a little fun. What’s the worst thing that could happen? You have to throw it out and then stop by a grocery store for something ready made? Or scrap the canvas and start over? Nothing is that precious. And if you aren’t willing to experiment, you’re not going to grow and you’re not going to find a new technique and you’re not going to make that heavenly crab dip that was devoured in minutes.

But honestly, I can’t tell you how intimidating a large blank canvas can be. Sometimes just making that first mark takes quite a while. That’s why I’m glad with my activist series, I paste the pages from a 1906 Bible study book to the canvas as its base layer. It’s quite Zen work to glue them all down in nice straight lines. But when I’m done and it’s drying, I’m super excited about starting the piece and that initial fear level and trepidation has dissipated.

Oh, and in the case of the crab dip, I put it on grilled portobello mushrooms, but it could go on crackers or celery or in lettuce cups. Or just eat it by the spoonful out of the bowl.

I do wish it was that simple in my studio. But I find when I let go preconceived notions and just have fun, I create some really unique results. And if it doesn’t work, well, so what. Sometimes knowing what doesn’t work gets you a lot quicker to what will be good results.

OK, I’ll admit it. I’m just flat out disappointed. And no, it’s not because (spoiler alert) someone told me that there is no Easter Bunny. Who then, covered our cul-de-sac in brightly colored plastic eggs, I’m just not sure… No, it’s because I feel like I’ve been ignored. No, it’s a fact, based on results, I was ignored.

Every weekend since our GCA (Gutfreund Cornett Art) show was installed in December, I would rush to check the Mercury News (silicon valley newspaper) to see if the arts and culture writer wrote about Beyond Borders. Not a mention in the last 3.5 months. I don’t get it. There were articles on murals around town, vintage signs and student protest art but nada on a ground-breaking social justice exhibition for this culturally bereft area but where issues of immigration loom large? And it’s not like the writer didn’t know about it – I emailed him nine (yep 9) times. And not to mention how many times I emailed art writers at KQED too…

I know I sound like I’m whinging (whining) and I’m usually sooo positive with lots of !!! But dangit, when you work so hard at something, you (I) want validation. So, what do you do when things don’t turn out how you wanted them to?

Imagine humming this tune “Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again”. And maybe, now, I’m sort of laughing at myself and thought of one of my favorite writers, Mark Manson. Here’s a quote from his blog “9 Steps to Hating Yourself a Little Less”.

STEP 9: TAKE THE MOST IMPORTANT AMBITION OR FAILURE IN YOUR LIFE AND GO ASK A FOUR-YEAR-OLD WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT IT. They’ll likely giggle and ask you to pretend you’re a tree and play horsies with them. And their response will be totally appropriate and correct.

Plus, I know I can make a difference. Just last week I wrote a letter to the Mayor of San Jose and the Councilmembers in support of public art. I received an email from the Director of Public Art that “It is very likely, that without your input and encouragement, this would have gone the other way.” And to think, I almost didn’t write the email, thinking it wouldn’t be read or listened to, just another blah blah blah.

Now I think I’ll find a four-year-old to ask other pressing life questions, and just lighten up and enjoy this fine day!